Trans women do not always have a pleasant dating experience, even though they are just people looking for love like everyone else in the world. It’s a sad truth that transgender women experience higher rates of harassment and violence than others in the world today. Overall, trans people are more likely to experience intimate partner violence and sexual violence compared with the rest of society. One survey revealed that roughly 50% of all respondents had been verbally harassed in the last year due to their identity, and 10% of all respondents had been physically assaulted.
Why do we lead with these statistics? Because they provide a sobering look at the reality of trans people seeking love and connection in the world today. Some people cannot be bothered to refer to trans women in a positive light. There are many slurs passed around, none of which we will name here, and some people don’t care enough to even identify them by the right pronouns. The best practice is to ask someone if they want to be called: she, her, they, or anything else. Trans women don’t always like the qualifier trans in front – they’re women. Remember that the first thing you should learn is that words have power.
While too many trans women have a negative experience with romance, there are plenty of positive lifestyles, too. Many trans people have successfully come out to family members and maintained a strong relationship.
Others have started families of their own (38%) and continue to develop their relationship with their children and partner.
People are looking for relationships with trans women and want to cultivate a space of love in their lives. Since every family begins with two people dating, it’s necessary to take a look at the experience of being with a transsexual woman and ask, what is it like to date a trans woman? We’re going to examine this situation so you can become a responsible, appropriate partner.
How It Feels or the Experience of Dating a Transgender Woman
What is it like to date a transgender woman? Well, I learned first-hand what it is all about. To be clear, I went into the dating scene as someone that was looking for any sort of partner, so I wanted to cast a wide net. I find myself more attracted to personality and intelligence than body parts, and that made it easy for me to try dating people in new ways. I started out by using dating services because, like most others, I am a busy person that doesn’t really have the time to go out every weekend.
What I found was interesting. Like the dating sites for gays and lesbians, there are also transgender dating websites. Like other LGBT sites, the sites for trans dating welcomed cis people so they could pursue relationships with trans women seeking partners. I think it is very important to mention that dating trans women is something that you need to do with the best intentions. Some people start dating trans people from the perspective of a kink or fetish. That is wildly inappropriate, and it will not lead to good dating outcomes for either party. The only way that you should consider the people that you date is as another regular person trying to get involved with a romance – that’s all they are!
So, when people ask me: shat was my experience like? For the most part, it’s just like dating any other woman. Starting out, I met up with my date online, and we talked a lot. We talked for hours and hours about every topic that you can think of and then some more. She asked where I was from, what I was looking for in terms of a relationship, and all the other basic questions you ask about a person you just met.
After the first few online dates, we decided that it was time to meet up again. Now, there is one part of the relationship with a trans woman that is different than dating a cis woman. My date brought up her past. Let me make sure you understand that: I did not ask about her past, and it didn’t matter to me if she ever did, but she felt comfortable enough to trust me as an individual to talk about it. I learned about her journey and family history, and it was really a somber moment for both of us, I think.
During that time, I found that it was best to listen to what she had to say. I didn’t ask any questions. It wasn’t a sobbing, messy reveal, though; it was like a statement of facts that my partner wanted to tell me to make sure that we were in a strong position to move forward. That might not happen to everyone, and you shouldn’t push for it to happen.
We have a great, strong relationship that has had the same ups and downs as you would expect within any other middle-aged partnership. I think that some people look at dating a trans person as innately difficult, but it’s not. You’re trying to see if you have a romantic interest in someone, and that’s about as far as it goes.
So, when people ask me what it’s like to date a trans person, I tell them to find out for themselves. The best way to feel that experience of dating a trans woman is to date a trans woman by yourself, but if you doubt to do it or not, you can read the article about a real story of dating a transgender woman. Hopefully, that will enlighten you to the struggles faced by these people as they try to find love in a society that is starting to become more accepting of their relationships.
Transgender Women Are Firstly Women or How to Date Transgender Women Correctly
People that think they are ready to date trans women need to carefully consider the reality of the situation. Not all truly understand that trans women want to be treated like other women and how to date them correctly, so it would be good to gain knowledge and to listen to the important advice. We’re going to provide you with some valuable pointers on how you show properly date transgender women by giving them the respect and love they deserve.
First and foremost, you need to understand that you must treat trans women, like everyone else, with respect and tolerance. That means you have to take time to learn about what it means to be trans, the impact that language has, and how to behave like a decent person when you’re dating them. For one thing, don’t let your curiosity make you into a mean person. While it is fair for you to wonder about your date’s body (we are visual creatures, after all), it is never appropriate to ask about someone’s body on the first several dates. You (hopefully) wouldn’t ask a cis woman about any private parts of her body, so why would you ask a trans person?
Another thing to remember is that trans people don’t look at the process of becoming trans as changing who they were. Instead, they look at it more as becoming who they are supposed to be. Thus, asking them about their birth name (deadnaming) is something you will want to avoid. Asking any questions that dehumanize the person or reduce them to the sum of their physical parts is very inappropriate. If you find yourself dating someone out of curiosity rather than legitimate interest, do both of you a favor and don’t go through with the date.
With all that out of the way, you will find that trans women want to be considered women in every sense. Any way that society tells you to behave towards women is the kind of behavior that you should exhibit when you take a trans woman out on a date.
That being said, you should not engage in useless platitudes.
When you’re dating a trans person, you should ensure that you are being authentic about your feelings.
Otherwise, you come off as someone who is not genuine, and that can be a quick way to squash the relationship. More importantly, you have to think about the future context of dates for your partner. If a trans woman has too many dates with people that don’t take trans issues seriously or fetishize them, it’s going to negatively impact their mental health and their willingness to enter into a romantic relationship. Make sure that all you see trans women as women before you ask any of them out. Be respectful, tolerant, and supportive when you’re dating these women.
Now, we’re going to provide you some tips on how to date trans women. These do’s and don’ts will help you identify helpful behavior and put a lid on some unhelpful behavior.
Don’t bring up any body parts on the first date.
You wouldn’t do it with a cis woman, so why would you do it with any other? There are many people obsessed with what is happening below the belt but do not even broach the topic because who says you’re getting that far in the relationship anyway?
Do some research before the date.
Do you know what cis and trans mean? Do you know what deadnaming is? Are you familiar with some of the challenges faced by trans women in the world today? Educate yourself, and don’t make your date feel like a search engine for all your questions.
Watch how you qualify compliments.
A lot of cis men think they are doing a trans woman a favor by saying something along the lines of “I thought you were a real woman; you look great.” They are real women, and that is possibly the most common and backhanded compliment that you could give someone. Trans people don’t all “pass” the same, and bringing it up on a date is a surefire way to make sure it’s only one date.
Do not use trans women as your therapist.
Some people get this ridiculous notion in their head that dating a trans woman is something that impacts them. They believe that because they’re attracted to a trans woman, it has some kind of impact on their sexuality and their notions of gender. Don’t bring your baggage on a date; save that for your personal times of reflection. Trans women are on a date to have fun and find romantic partners. Don’t make a date all about you and what it says that you’re dating a trans person. That goes for everyone, even other LGBT members.
Treat your date the same as you would any other woman.
At the end of the day, trans women are women, and they want to be treated as such. They don’t want to be treated differently, and they don’t want people to be obsessed with the fact that they’re trans. You’re both there to get to know one another, and that means seeing one another as a person before anything else.
Keep these tips in mind, and you should have a mutually beneficial and fun date. The less you focus on sex and gender, the more you can focus on getting to know your date to the best of your ability!
Dating transgender women is a unique experience for many people, but as mainstream acceptance increases, it should become mundane.
These women are trying to find someone to enjoy spending time with and nothing more. So, when you are dating a trans person, it’s important to do your research ahead of time to understand the unique difficulties that they face as individuals who want to be loved.
Remember to respect them with your words and actions and to follow the guidelines that we’ve laid out above. There are many avenues to finding a trans woman to date available today, and hopefully, you use them to foster a loving environment with a great woman.